Tag Archive for 'brooklyn'

Happy Blogoversary!

Published on May 15, 2009 in Blogging. 4 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

My blog is officially one year old! I can’t believe a whole year has already gone by!! I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting next to Dooce in a Brooklyn bar, visualizing what my first post was going to say. Except that it wasn’t yesterday it was a whole year ago and I feel like that person sitting in that bar is a million miles away. I feel like I’ve learned so much in the last year, much of which I can attribute to writing somewhat regularly on this blog. I know I haven’t kept up with it as much as I should have or probably could have, but it’s been cathartic and therapeutic to have this outlet to turn to when the mood strikes. I’m incredibly proud of myself for having stuck with it for this long, and the simple fact that I’ve made it through one whole year just provides enormous motivation to keep on trucking. I’m excited for what the next year of Mambabyte will bring, and I hope that those of you that have come this far with me will continue on this crazy ride. I promise not to disappoint.

With that corny shit out of the way, can you believe what a year this has been? It was the year of Obama, we said goodbye to the great George Carlin, I actually participated in NaBloPoMo, and I got laid off! What I haven’t told you about yet is how I had to cram for one of the hardest tests I’ve ever taken in only three weeks (and I still don’t know whether or not I’ve passed), I was accepted into the Masters program for my dream job, I moved into a beautiful new apartment with two of my closest girlfriends, I’ve reconnected with some of my old friends that I’ve missed terribly and didn’t think I would ever see again, and have started to learn that when you begin to surround yourself with positive people, things, and ideas, positive things start to come your way much more easily than you ever could have imagined. I’m feeling more myself than I have in a really long time, and I know that it is only the beginning of what’s to come for me.

I’ve been celebrating this first blogoversary by browsing through the past year’s archives. I was interested in getting an update on all of the artist’s I’ve featured in my Music Bytes:

• The Morning Benders: “Talking Through Tin Cans” has been released for a little over a year now, and the band is still touring like crazy and even made an appearance at this year’s SXSW.
• Coldplay: Duh.
• Katy Perry: Well now she’s lasted a lot longer than I originally gave her credit for, and while her songs are getting really annoying and I think she sucks live, I’m pleasantly surprised she’s considered “headliner” material.
• Adele: Go girl! Adele’s since won two Grammy Awards, for Best New Artist and Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. Love her!
• Gaslight Anthem: They just seem to be snowballing into bigger and better things, opening for both Bruce Springsteen AND Dave Matthews this year. Holy!
• Sikamor Rooney: They’re still doing their thing and could use some more exposure, so go check them out again and give them a chance!
• Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head: I can’t get enough of these guys, HA! They were featured on Perez Hilton and they’ll be the supporting act for Lily Allen’s North American tour this year. So much fun!
• Rachael Yamagata: Those who love her, love her dearly.
• Leslie Hall: Since this wasn’t technically a music byte, I don’t technically have an update, but it’s still hilarious so go take a look and enjoy a chuckle on me.
• Kings of Leon: Ahhhh, by far my favorite music byte and favorite band of the whole year. They’re just huge. I almost had a heart attack when they arrived on the cover of a recent Rolling Stone issue. I can’t say enough.
• Zee Avi: Her album still won’t be released for another four days, but if you were lucky enough to check her out at SXSW, I’m sure you’ll agree it won’t be long before we hear much more about her.

Make sure to send me any ideas for Music Bytes you might have! I sure as hell can’t keep up with everything, what do you think I look like?

In pure Mamba style, I’ve decided to end this Happy One Year Post by listing my top eight posts of the year. Because I love the number 8. So I picked 8 posts. Out of 71. I don’t think 71 is a lot at all, so I made sure to write that here so next year I can make sure the number is much higher. Anyway, enjoy.

• My Most Romantic Moment
• A Moment in Time: The Best Worst Date
• Why Brett Favre Will Never See My Tits
• The Shoes Don’t Help
• Commuters Are Fucking Crazy
• Justin Should Be A Regular on SNL
• Saturn Has Returned With a Can of Whoop Ass
• Advice: Don’t Try This At Home

Now I’m going to drink right out of the bottle pour myself a glass of wine and congratulate myself on one year of blogging. Thanks to all you fuckers who’ve stuck with me. Air cheers!

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On Moving Out and Moving On

Published on April 12, 2009 in Lessons. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Dear Mamba,

I know you like to think the best of people. I know you like to give people the benefit of the doubt that when they say they are going to do something, they will actually do it. Sometimes I think it’s sweet that you have such a naive view of people and never want to think they will do you wrong, even if they may have done you wrong in the past. Many times. When they apologize and say they won’t do it again and that they’ll show you they really aren’t the bad person you think they are, I know it tears at your heart strings. And so you forgive them, once again, and you believe them, once again, all the while knowing in your gut that there is an enormous possibility that you will, once again, be disappointed in them and their actions. I also know that the one thing you hate the most in life is to be disappointed. So I ask you, why is it that you continually put yourself in the position of being disappointed? Why is it that you continue to believe the lies promises as if they will somehow magically mean something now even though they have not meant anything in the past? Do you think the truth fairy waved a wand and sprinkled some dust and made it all better? You know that’s not how it works.

Normally I stand by and watch you as you do this to yourself over and over again, hoping that one of these times you will learn your lesson. I can’t stay quiet anymore, though, because you just don’t seem to be getting it. So I’m begging you. Tomorrow when you do what you need to do, please go in there expecting to be disappointed. Just go there hoping for the worst. Be one with the disenchantment. Expect the expected and not the unexpected. Don’t let what you find bother you. Just keep your head held high, get in there, do your thing, and get out. Keep your eyes open; do not let your attention get diverted away from the task at hand. Do not let any of this plague you anymore. Do not let him upset you any longer because you know that the only thing he’s offered you is a charade, and charades are not real. Don’t let yourself feel sad anymore. Move on, and move on strong. Don’t look back. Don’t cry. I promise that there is a world free from disappointment waiting for you on the other side of this mountain; you just need to get over the summit.  I’ll be there with you the whole way, just like always.

Love, Mamba

“Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air.” ~Friedrich von Schiller

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Advice: Don’t Try This At Home

Published on March 17, 2009 in Stupid Crap I Do. 2 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

DISCLAIMER: Some of you may not want to read the following if you don’t want to know details about my “private lady parts” i.e. anyone who knows me in real life that won’t be able to look at me the same after reading about them.  Enter at your own risk because you have been warned.

Seriously.  There are just some things you should shell the money out for and have a professional take care of.  I had excellent professionals to take care of this for me when I was living in Brooklyn, but now that I’m back in NJ (and unemployed) I just haven’t been able to find a decent place to go around here that doesn’t cost me an entire unemployment check.

What am I talking about?  The dreaded Brazilian Bikini Wax.

A friend of mine once told me that she took care of this grooming on her own, in the privacy of her living room.  At first I didn’t believe her only because I couldn’t believe someone could inflict that kind of pain on themselves.  She showed me the product she used and almost convinced me it was “not that bad.”  Still, once I walked away from her I was all “Pfft, as IF I could be that masochistic!  That’s crazy! I’ll stick with Magda (my usual yanker).”

Well, as I was saying before, a location change and financial crisis has caused me to sacrifice many things, this luxury being one of the first to go.  I can deal with this growing issue (HA! Get it?) for only so long before it literally starts driving me crazy. And it was.  When I would talk to my girlfriends about it, mostly hoping they would recommend a good salon nearby, they would always say, “Just shave!”  Well, it’s not the same, okay?  It’s just not.  At least not in my opinion.  So I let it go.  And go, and go, and well let’s just say it had gotten to the point where I would have fit right into any 1974 porno flick.  UGH.  Something had to be done.  I remembered the conversation about the DIY Brazilian and figured, “Shit, what’s the worst that could happen?”

So I buy the stuff and get home and take a Xanax and drink two huge glasses of wine and decide it’s time to go for it.  I read the instructions, heat up the wax, apply, bite down on a towel, and RIPPP!!!

Hey, that wasn’t so bad!  Ok, again.  And again.  And after 4 or 5 times of this I’m thinking, SWEET! I’m in the clear, this is CAKE!  Oh boy how wrong I was about to be!

This shit gets fucking tricky!  Once you’re past the point of no return, meaning one side is done and the other side hasn’t been touched, this wax decides it’s time to become all stringy and cold and it’s going to make you heat it up every 5 seconds and by the time you heat it up and get back to the bathroom to continue it needs to be heated up again.  And then you start trying to contort your body in all kinds of ways you didn’t think you could even contort just to try to see what’s going on down there but you still can’t see and so you try to just go for it blind and well LET’S JUST SAY THAT TRYING TO BLINDLY APPLY HOT WAX TO YOUR NETHER REGIONS IS NOT NECESSARILY THE BEST IDEA.

Two hours later, I’m sweating, the Xanax I took is wearing off, and the endorphin rush I’m getting from doing this myself is so intense I feel like I could run a fucking marathon.  Not to mention my neck and my back have been hunched over for the past two hours and I need to just chill the fuck out. I’m about 80% done, and of course the remaining 20% is literally the most painful parts to wax. (Ladies you know what I’m talking about.)  It’s time for me to take a breather and get some sleep.  I’ll finish in the morning. Hopefully.

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I’m Really Serious This Time.

Published on September 7, 2008 in Life As We Know It. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

OK, ok, I know.  A month goes by with no blog posts.  The only thing that’s been updating on this site for the last month are my Tweets.  All 1.7 of you are extremely disappointed.  I’m sorry.  I’ll be a better blogger starting…..now!

…Or maybe tomorrow.  There’s some really good TV on tonight.

If you’re thinking that I’ve just been lazy about blogging rather than just being busy and not having any time, I am here to tell you that you’re probably right WRONG!  Here are some things I’ve been doing instead of blogging:

1. Attending Sikamor Rooney’s record release party at the Mercury Lounge.  Also playing that night was Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head (yes, that is the band’s name), and The Gay Blades.  All three bands were Super Awesome, and a music byte will be following soon for each.  

(Souvenirs)

2. Going back to the scene of the crime by heading to the preseason Giants vs. Jets game at Giants Stadium.  This will also follow with a blog post, but for now let’s just say that once I sat in the sun drinking beers for a couple of hours, any worry or nervousness I had about getting arrested for trespassing melted right away.  See?

3. Spending a ridiculous amount of money lot of time in a veterinarian office for a cat with an injured paw.  I won’t bore you all with the details by following this one up with a blog post, but I have to tell you, watching your cat come off anesthesia while trying to figure out how to walk with a bandaged paw and see around the satellite collar offers hours of entertainment.  Can’t you just imagine?

4. Going to see the staggeringly funny Broadway musical Avenue Q.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed continuously for two and a half hours, and I feel so much closer to my mother now that I’ve sat next to her as we watch muppets have fucking nasty ass sex on stage.  There’s nothing more liberating, let me tell you.

5. Eating at Carmine’s, Blue Smoke, Roy’s, and the Chip Shop.  I don’t usually eat out this much, and my ass is starting to remind me of that fact.  Time to get back on the Wii Fit.

(Chip Shop)

6. Buying the awesomely huge mug you see below as a souvenir.  It seriously fits an entire 12-cup pot of coffee in it.  My mornings have not been quite the same since.

7. Being able to see the NYC Waterfalls.  Twice.  

8. Exploring new music genres by going to the record release party of Brooklyn Academy’s “Bored of Education.” I had a great time, thanks mostly to the Sparks girls for feeding me free cans all night long.  They even gave me slap bracelets!  Hello?  How sweet is THAT?!?

9. Getting the most out of the last couple of weeks of beautiful weather by sitting in McCarren Park watching the neighborhood do the same.  Check out the awesome Great Dane I always see chillin’ with his dad:

10. Sitting on my couch for 36 hours this weekend watching nothing but the Palladia channel, which apparently is a new HD channel that plays nothing but live music from festivals both old and recent.  It’s like how MTV used to be, when all they played was videos and you never wanted to change the channel for fear that you might miss whatever might be playing next.  Except this is in HD and it’s live AND they only play a commercial like once every 30 minutes and it’s a 1 minute ad for the Christian Children’s Fund.  This channel is hypnotizing, and as a bonus I’m burning off some of the calories from #5 by dancing in my apartment living room.    

As you can see I’ve been kinda super busy which is why I haven’t blogged in a month, but I know there’s no excuse.  So to make it up to all of you I thought I’d share a little taste of what happens to Mamba after a few too many glasses of wine.  In this clip I’ve been trying to take four quick pictures in a row and “vogue” in a different position for each, but apparently this time I clicked the button for “video” instead.  Do not ask any questions.  I do not know why I wanted to do this.  Remember what I told you about the wine.  And enjoy:

Be back soon.

 

 

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Why Free Food Causes Bad Spelling

Published on June 19, 2008 in Mamba Moments. 1 Comment Tags: , , , , , , , .

Or, I’m Too Lazy To Double-Check My Work.

On Saturday mornings I like to wake up early and take a walk to the muffin store down the street to get the coffee. There are about seventy-four coffee shops in my neighborhood, and for some reason this particular one is my favorite. Maybe it’s because it’s not technically a “coffee shop.” It doesn’t matter. Let’s move on.

On one of said mornings I took notice of a sign outside a recently opened bar. Check it out:

Sweet, right!?! I’m always down for free pizza. I snapped a picture so I wouldn’t forget, and walked on to the muffin store.

On my way home, as I was passing the bar-with-the-free-pizza I took a better look at the place, and noticed that they were wise enough to paint not one, but BOTH sides of the sign with their wonderful gimmick.

Something was amiss, however. Observe:

Need a better look? Can’t see the difference yet?? Here you go:

Now, come on. This kind of shit pisses me off. “Purches?” Who painted these freakin’ things? I mean, seriously!? Fucking spell check! HOW HARD IS IT PEOPLE?

These signs have since been replaced with nice new railings, and no longer is there evidence of the spelling crime. The first time I noticed they were no longer there I thought to myself, “Thank god those signs are gone! Now no one else will remember that they serve FREE PIZZA with drink purches purchase.”

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