Tag Archive for 'drunk guy'

I’m Really Serious This Time.

OK, ok, I know.  A month goes by with no blog posts.  The only thing that’s been updating on this site for the last month are my Tweets.  All 1.7 of you are extremely disappointed.  I’m sorry.  I’ll be a better blogger starting…..now!

…Or maybe tomorrow.  There’s some really good TV on tonight.

If you’re thinking that I’ve just been lazy about blogging rather than just being busy and not having any time, I am here to tell you that you’re probably right WRONG!  Here are some things I’ve been doing instead of blogging:

1. Attending Sikamor Rooney’s record release party at the Mercury Lounge.  Also playing that night was Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head (yes, that is the band’s name), and The Gay Blades.  All three bands were Super Awesome, and a music byte will be following soon for each.  

(Souvenirs)

2. Going back to the scene of the crime by heading to the preseason Giants vs. Jets game at Giants Stadium.  This will also follow with a blog post, but for now let’s just say that once I sat in the sun drinking beers for a couple of hours, any worry or nervousness I had about getting arrested for trespassing melted right away.  See?

3. Spending ridiculous amount of money lot of time in a veterinarian office for a cat with an injured paw.  I won’t bore you all with the details by following this one up with a blog post, but I have to tell you, watching your cat come off anesthesia while trying to figure out how to walk with a bandaged paw and see around the satellite collar offers hours of entertainment.  Can’t you just imagine?

4. Going to see the staggeringly funny Broadway musical Avenue Q.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed continuously for two and a half hours, and I feel so much closer to my mother now that I’ve sat next to her as we watch muppets have fucking nasty ass sex on stage.  There’s nothing more liberating, let me tell you.

5. Eating at Carmine’s, Blue Smoke, Roy’s, and the Chip Shop.  I don’t usually eat out this much, and my ass is starting to remind me of that fact.  Time to get back on the Wii Fit.

(Chip Shop)

6. Buying the awesomely huge mug you see below as a souvenir.  It seriously fits an entire 12-cup pot of coffee in it.  My mornings have not been quite the same since.

7. Being able to see the NYC Waterfalls.  Twice.  

8. Exploring new music genres by going to the record release party of Brooklyn Academy’s “Bored of Education.” I had a great time, thanks mostly to the Sparks girls for feeding me free cans all night long.  They even gave me slap bracelets!  Hello?  How sweet is THAT?!?

9. Getting the most out of the last couple of weeks of beautiful weather by sitting in McCarren Park watching the neighborhood do the same.  Check out the awesome Great Dane I always see chillin’ with his dad:

10. Sitting on my couch for 36 hours this weekend watching nothing but the Palladia channel, which apparently is a new HD channel that plays nothing but live music from festivals both old and recent.  It’s like how MTV used to be, when all they played was videos and you never wanted to change the channel for fear that you might miss whatever might be playing next.  Except this is in HD and it’s live AND they only play a commercial like once every 30 minutes and it’s a 1 minute ad for the Christian Children’s Fund.  This channel is hypnotizing, and as a bonus I’m burning off some of the calories from #5 by dancing in my apartment living room.    

As you can see I’ve been kinda super busy which is why I haven’t blogged in a month, but I know there’s no excuse.  So to make it up to all of you I thought I’d share a little taste of what happens to Mamba after a few too many glasses of wine.  In this clip I’ve been trying to take four quick pictures in a row and “vogue” in a different position for each, but apparently this time I clicked the button for “video” instead.  Do not ask any questions.  I do not know why I wanted to do this.  Remember what I told you about the wine.  And enjoy:

Be back soon.

 

 

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Why Brett Favre Will Never See My Tits.

Yes, folks, this post is about my tits.  

All day long I’ve been hearing and reading about how Brett Favre has been traded to the NY Jets.  This news is bittersweet for me.  On the one hand, as a new football fan, I am excited about the idea of such a football legend descending on a NY team, especially a team like the Jets.  (They need it, they’re cursed. Plus the GIANTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!)  On the other hand, even if I wanted to hit up a Jets game to watch him play, I couldn’t.

Why, do you ask? Well, I thought I’d let my younger self explain this one. Here’s an excerpt from one of my first attempts at blogging

 

“T…I…T…S… September 26, 2005″

So there I was…my first Jets game..my first FOOTBALL game for that matter…Giants Stadium.  The day started out wonderfully. I was ruling the beer pong table in the parking lot, even beating the retarded wasted drunk guy that came and demanded to play winner…he was a self-proclaimed sociopath, so you can imagine what I was dealing with here…needless to say I beat him, beat him pretty bad too…it was fun.  So we go into the stadium, get our seats and a beer, and proceed to begin enjoying the first half.  Which, I must add, I was thoroughly enjoying, even though I admit to not being the biggest football fan…it was a good time.  So halftime comes, and my friend and I head over to the turnstyle, where there are at least hundreds, possible closer to a thousand, people standing around…mostly dudes.  My friend had warned me prior to coming, that this is what they do…tell me if you’ve heard this…they single out a girl hanging around the turnstyle and they start chanting “T..I..T..S…TITS TITS TITS!!!!” and they won’t stop until you either flash em or walk away.  Needless to say I got picked out, and instead of being a pussy and walking away, I gave em what they were asking for….why not right??  I mean, listening to them boo you for NOT doing it is WAY worse….  Well, that was all fine and dandy until afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, I got tapped on the shoulder by some fat fuckin security guy who makes me go with him.  He drives my friend and I down to the “dungeon” where I got arrested and ejected from the stadium (for good).  WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT!!!  All in the name of a little T..I..T..S….a great day ends like that.  Whatever, I don’t regret doing it, I’ve heard mad girls do it with no repurcussions…so why did I get singled out?  Who knows….whatever….fuck em.

 

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, I was THAT girl.  I might even still be THAT girl, I don’t know.  All I know is that all day long I’ve been reminded of that day.  And even though I got arrested, I got off pretty easy.  I guess I was lucky, or however you want to look at that.  I guess I can hope that Favre will still be around when the new stadium is built, when I can finally try watching another football game.  No flashing this time though. 

Oh, and PS – If any of you are wondering why there are no pictures posted of this Mamba Moment it’s because I don’t have any. Rumor has it, though, that you can catch a glimpse of this EXACT incident on a certain Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. But you didn’t hear that from me, and no, I won’t tell you which episode.

UPDATE: I did find a picture from that day.  From the moment itself:

T...I...T...S.

 

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