I know you like to think the best of people. I know you like to give people the benefit of the doubt that when they say they are going to do something, they will actually do it. Sometimes I think it’s sweet that you have such a naive view of people and never want to think they will do you wrong, even if they may have done you wrong in the past. Many times. When they apologize and say they won’t do it again and that they’ll show you they really aren’t the bad person you think they are, I know it tears at your heart strings. And so you forgive them, once again, and you believe them, once again, all the while knowing in your gut that there is an enormous possibility that you will, once again, be disappointed in them and their actions. I also know that the one thing you hate the most in life is to be disappointed. So I ask you, why is it that you continually put yourself in the position of being disappointed? Why is it that you continue to believe the lies promises as if they will somehow magically mean something now even though they have not meant anything in the past? Do you think the truth fairy waved a wand and sprinkled some dust and made it all better? You know that’s not how it works.

Normally I stand by and watch you as you do this to yourself over and over again, hoping that one of these times you will learn your lesson. I can’t stay quiet anymore, though, because you just don’t seem to be getting it. So I’m begging you. Tomorrow when you do what you need to do, please go in there expecting to be disappointed. Just go there hoping for the worst. Be one with the disenchantment. Expect the expected and not the unexpected. Don’t let what you find bother you. Just keep your head held high, get in there, do your thing, and get out. Keep your eyes open; do not let your attention get diverted away from the task at hand. Do not let any of this plague you anymore. Do not let him upset you any longer because you know that the only thing he’s offered you is a charade, and charades are not real. Don’t let yourself feel sad anymore. Move on, and move on strong. Don’t look back. Don’t cry. I promise that there is a world free from disappointment waiting for you on the other side of this mountain; you just need to get over the summit.  I’ll be there with you the whole way, just like always.

Love, Mamba

“Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air.” ~Friedrich von Schiller

DB moved out.

I will not, at this time (maybe ever) go into the sordid, awful, juicy details of it all.  I will not entertain the Why’s, How’s, and What Happened’s.  That wouldn’t be right. It’s too new, too fresh.  I will say that I’m happy to be watching the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance right now instead of the Giants game, but that’s certainly not something that contributed to the current situation.  

Anyhow.  Have you ever wanted to listen to something, or watch something, but didn’t have access to it? And then the moment you stop thinking about it or you forget there it is?  I had that type of experience this week.

As dorky as it may sound, I am a HUGE Friends fan.

Seen every episode, kick ass in the Trivia Game, all that shit.  I don’t care.  When I met DB (again) three years ago, he hated this about me.  He taunted me every time I would watch it.  Over time, however, I started to notice that HE would be laughing along too!  I would bust his chops and he would give me the brush-off.  Only in the last six months have I heard him say, “If you would have told me I would like this show 2 years ago, I would’ve slapped you.”  (Not really, of course.)  We recorded reruns on the DVR.  And watched them daily.  We even downloaded the first season and had a marathon one Saturday because he wanted to “see if there were any he hadn’t already seen” (all manly-like).  I still think he just wanted to watch each episode in order from the beginning.  

DB started to know little details about the characters and their plotlines, it almost got to the point that he remembered more than I did!  He would ask me how the series finale ended, but little details escaped me.  I would always say, “Oh they’ll show the rerun anyday now.”  Mind you, my DVR probably records three different Friends reruns each day, one would think that the chances are pretty high that in three years we’d catch The Last One, no?  

No.  The Last Episode never aired.  Not until Tuesday night that is, the night that DB left.  After I was alone, I sat on the couch, checked the list, and there it was.  

“The Last One”

I mean, what are the chances of THAT?  I watched it, of course, but told my DVR to “Save Until Manually Erased.”  You know, just in case.

Anyone who knows me knows I love any music that has a chick and a piano.  Certain albums or songs from Fiona Apple or Tori Amos have gotten me through some serious times, both good and bad.  More recently, however, these old standbys just weren’t cutting it in helping me handle the enormity of my current situation.  My sister recommended that I listen to Adele, so I checked out a few Youtube videos, and downloaded the album.  I have to give my sister credit for this one; Adele is just what I need right now.  And while the following video may not directly relate to the way I am feeling lately, some of her others do, and that’s good enough for me!  

If you want to see if Adele will be your friend, go here.  For her blog, tour dates, and other fun stuff, go here.

PS – I know technically this is a chick with a piano that someone else is playing, but close your eyes and pretend people! Pretend GODDAMMIT!